The Hurt

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Ohana means family right? And no one is forgotten or left behind. That quote always had me tearing up for reasons i didnt even know why. Until i realized that it was words that i needed to hear filling up that long lost hole in my heart. I had many but this one might have been the deepest. Coming back to the place that birthed my abandonment I thought it was a piece of cake, but I was so off I was gone. There were the good reminders of the good times but even so the bad. Living with the Corkers I felt the most secure and the safest, even though I was still treated like the red headed stepchild, this place was fairly good compared to the chaotic warzone we were thrown into.

Even though when they abandoned me, they did not abandon my sisters, which makes it an awkward reunion. My sisters loved them while I hated them. Can’t go to a gathering without them, and all you can do is play nice and hide painful emotions in order to not make a scene. It’s hurtful and I’m alone especially when you feel as though your own blood won’t help you cope but just want you to get over it. It’s hurtful when you have your grownups surrounding you and treating you like you’re worthless then take you to an abusive home while feeling hopeless in your hell cell. Then every idiot family member wonders why I ran away, why I was rebellious, why I did things that made no sense. It hurts when the people who you thought could put two and two together are unfortunately around you and unfortunately you called them “guardian”. Although no I don’t blame others including myself, I just realize that with every action there is a reaction, worse ones when your life is suffering.  It hurts to see them love on my sisters now when I needed it so much back then. There is an evil in this world and it’s called confusion.

X, cort


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