Being so vulnerable can drive a person mad. Since 16 I’ve closed off my heart, one of the most heartbreaking things that I have experienced & it’s not from others but from myself. That I remembered, was my choice to do. It hurt me to the point that I was not able to love like I wanted to. Believing that somehow LOVE is evil. Bad things came easily, and good things were a challenge, an opposite when I didn’t shut out the light beaming from within me. Life became harder after that, yet before then I thought I had it bad. Nope had no clue it could get any worse than that but also how it could have still been better. After coming to terms with myself and trying to discover how to get back on my own happy trails again, maybe crazy met with crazy and it went straight to where the problem was. My choice to shut out love. Love was never the problem, its the answer, something totally cliche to say, but now I get it. Love is not what we may think it is. Its pain, good refreshing pain, just what you needed pain, when your life lead to numbness. It’s your truth, your desires, the benefits of your good decisions, it’s everything that made your life worthwhile, it’s everything you ever needed. It may take some time for me to get use to this and to remember this experiment. Ill make sure to update on any improvements so far, its been an enlightening hour.