Baby, I Maybe Infertile

wild

Going into the hospital this March 2014, I did a lot of research with what an abdominal obstruction is. You know, I hate not knowing. So then it says infertility, I said What?! Then I read..”Abdominal adhesions cause female infertility by preventing fertilized eggs from reaching the uterus, where fetal development takes place. Adhesions can kink, twist, or pull out of place the fallopian tubes, which carry eggs from the ovaries-where eggs are stored and released-to the uterus.” @ http://www.surgery.ucsf.edu/conditions–procedures/bowel-obstruction.aspx . 

And because it is due to the scarring from gastroschisis, then it is possible that I’m unable to have children, biologically, anyways. I mean on the inside I feel that it made sense because I never really had a pregnancy scare. At 25 I still don’t have any children, never really planned to. Also relieved to hear that, but now that I’m getting to that age I feel it’s my responsibility to. I feel if that’s true then I really do feel less of a woman because of it. I feel like I’m failing my partner because of it. There are so many people out there that rethink and even change their relationships because they can’t have children with them. It’s true! I’m not going to sugar coat it! We’re apart of this planet & the male && female choose partners that are attractive, fertile, healthy, & can take care of business. That’s just life. Although I feel that I am attractive & I can take care of business I feel that I am unhealthy because I am infertile. I feel sad and empty because of this. I’m glad that I know though because now things are starting to make sense. But still, man that sucks. Getting to know life though, the only reason I was so unlucky all my life is because I was unhealthy. I was weird, I was clumsy, I was irritiable, I was sick almost every summer, I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted to eat <which probably was a good thing, I couldn’t think of the future, was stuck in the past, had to detox because I was unusually smelly, I had PMS, PTSD, ADD, ADHD, & possibly schizophrenia, I had a failed immune system… everything was falling apart. I could not form a relationship with anyone. I was failing in life. Man. Although there are people whose found healing in treatments with acupuncture & herbs. I feel like I need something to remove the scarring, heal the scar, soften it at least. So I found that Aloe Vera does, & castor oil. So I continue with that but I think that may still be a long road to recovery.  So with everything that I know, if ever I was ready, I will still have a choice.

With Much Regard,

Cortney

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