Living in a Christian home was an obstacle for me. What was fun or funny was offensive & bad behavior. Me being honest was a sham and we were not suppose to judge others so my sentences came out sounding like a anxious nerd. On top of that being angry or sad was somewhat of an abomination to them. These beautiful and amazingly natural reactions to life such as judgements, rage & anger & distress, was an abomination?
I don’t know if they were preparing me for the corporate world or what, because whenever someone would get mad then it’s a fake it til you make it type of buuuuuullshit. I quite frankly find it rather peaceful to be angry & with the things that were around me such as delusional people, I feel that it’s only right to. I found that holding onto anger or any true emotion does not get you any closer to happiness, in fact to me personally, it pushes it away even more. I have story after story after story that would distress even the reader. My heart was like an unending fire pit of anger. But also on the other hand, there are two types of anger, healthy anger & unhealthy anger, that I have had the pleasure of being both. That’s why I found that eating good foods, surrounding myself with nature, and taking care of myself is beneficial so I’m always on that good side of anger whenever I feel it.
I think that after all this time, finding out what is being truly good was in all the things that naturally needed to be done. For whatever religion, my beliefs are in the natural, being yourself, taking care of yourself inside and out. I believe in what’s as natural as the wind, as natural as the sunshine, as natural as the birds and the bees, & to go against nature I think is the only “sin.”